Yesterday, I ran 5 miles on June 5 for NATIONAL RUNNING DAY!

corgi running

I’ve had a few wedding snafus lately, which sent my stress straight through the roof. So I ran. Yesterday was another one of those days where I got home from the hospital and literally did not want to budge off the couch. I whined about it for an hour and then finally forced myself to change into my running clothes and get my Garmin woken up. I told myself that if I ran 2 miles, I’d be content. But then I decided I should run 4, so I ran down whatever road I felt like and listened to what my body was saying (mainly SLOW DOWN!!!…so I did).

At the end of 4 miles, I was back to my front door. So I walked for a minute and decided my legs still felt pretty darn good. So I took off running for another mile. Up a gigantic hill. Needless to say, it was probably the best run I’ve had in a while in that I felt like I could just keep running forever.

I used to frown upon walk breaks but clearly they help me run further.

I didn’t remember that it was National Running Day until after my run, and then I was pleased with myself for not being a wimp and skipping out on the perfect weather (which is sooo rare for June).

And then I started thinking about why I run. At first I started running because my dad runs and I wanted to be just like him. And then I kept running because I was on the track/cross-country teams. In college, I started out on the cross-country team and then eventually left the team and started running on my own because I was struggling with some really hard to break disordered eating patterns.

Now I run because it keeps my sanity and keeps me healthy.

I didn’t start think about running for weight loss again until my first dress fitting, when my seamstress told me she would “fix my back fat” and that “even size 2 brides get this” if the dress isn’t fit correctly.

I balked.

I may not be size 2 but at 5’4 and 120 pounds, I am the last thing from fat. If she says that to me, an arguably fit and young girl I cannot imagine what she says to others. It made me sad. And kind of shook me.

So lately I’ve been fighting the battle of well I look good and shouldn’t be self conscious about my weight but now I definitely am. The solution has been focusing on healthy eating and just {relaxing} because *no-one* is going to look at me in my wedding dress and think “dang, that girl looks like a chunky monkey”.

Le sigh. Sometimes being a woman is quite frustrating.

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